Pray tell me
Why is being heartless
such a virtue
Feeling,
A weakness
Opening up,
A vulnerability
Expressing love,
The ultimate embarrassment.
I said it but not quite,
You heard it but not quite.
So here it is for your reading (dis)pleasure.
Love, here I could write an album of sorts
At arm’s length, making four hours worth of small talk
It’s not easy to keep track of your quips, whilst
my body’s as tense as a bowstring
Your well-rehearsed tricks are transparent for miles
Sure, I’ll pretend to be blind if you’d like
I’m a slave to your wishes, aren’t I,
a common prisoner of your smiles
When my body finally gives way
With your slightest touch and
To the twinkle in those eyes
In that moment I don’t care what you think
I can’t, just can’t hold it in.
And I shouldn’t be asked
To hold it in.
Or to get it over with.
To GET.OVER.IT.
To...compartmentalise.
What an awfully cruel word to the unwise.
You mean it, maybe not quite, but
I see misplaced pride in your eyes.
As you stare at me as if I’m naíve
I stare back in disbelief, that
I tried to be less human
because evolution asked me to
because you expected me to
And I let myself be fooled.
Truth is,
we weren’t really built that way
Much less me, that I will say
Perhaps I’m the luckiest girl in the world
to have felt and pained and loved and lost
By letting myself take the long, long fall
So
I’m going to stop apologising for it all.
