Thank you

I breathe a cold mind
unexpectation strikes; even hurt
makes me smile silly

Square One is a titillating bitch

If you could only see yourself

Like replaying CCTV footage

Like your best mirror

All your head laughs and

All the times you put your hand on his tender face

And twisted your hair around your finger

Kissing with eyes shut so tight

Your meaningless discretions of

Jumping on a trampoline of rebounds

Square 1 is a titillating bitch

And you were on 365! (Sigh)

If you could only see what I see

You have the remote

Press play now or destroy the tape

What does your mind say?

Are you jumping from the 2nd floor again?

Breaking all your bones again?

What does one say to a grown person

Except drill some unnecessary words

Before they make their mistakes

My ear is all I can give to you

‘cause my throat is dry

Are you so tired of being strong

all you want to feel is helpless?

I know it’s comfortable

Sleeping on a mattress of illusions

But every soft fibre is turning to needles

And weakening your spine

Volatile joy, such volatile joy

Later all you will smell is a faint odor of gasoline

While you’re dizzy with your pain

Are you falling from the 2^nd floor again?

Breaking all your bones again?

You’re the lost cause I’m nursing

And I will nurse when you fall

I will keep a bottle of calcium and some bandages ready

My friend, my sister, my Cristina.

Cuziz all 'bout the money

I've become a saver. Not that I have jars marked "Wedding", "Hot dress" and the likes, but I like to see a certain amount of money in my account for all time (after my education loan has sucked up a third of my pay). That money will always be there - for a house I don't know when I'll rent, a car I may or may not buy, expensive sophisticated audio equipment to propel me in my musical endeavors, a foreign vacation I dare to take in the near future or simply, a rainy day.

Back in 2007, when I was living out of home, I specifically recall seeing a balance of Rs 19 in my salary account, with one whole week to go for my next month's pay. That state of panic is rather difficult to describe. I even thought of asking my then boyfriend for help, for I will never ask my parents. Too much pride, you see. I've never been daddy's little girl swiping his credit card, never had half a trust fund and the only kind of silver spoon I've ever seen is a silver plated one for my meals.

There are days I think - why wasn't I born into a rich family? I was traveling by the Metro today and this girl was talking to her friends saying "My dad is gonna buy me a Chevrolet Beat and Galaxy S3" And here I am, who's family just asked her to contribute a part of her salary to the household (which in no way do I think is unjustified) Moreover, I had to lie to my parents about the cost of the phone I recently bought with my own money because I thought they'll get a heart attack if I didn't.

I constantly worry about money, and it's not because I'm a miser. I worry because I don't ever want to see the day when I have to beg, borrow or steal. Pretty sure I'm not even winning a lottery ever because the ticket might be too expensive :P There is an inexplicable thrill in being able to buy any thing that you want, without looking at the price tag, when you've made the effort to save. I hope you know what I'm talking about :)