Happy break up day

Our break up was sad in so many ways. I lost my best friend, my biggest critique and my pillar of strength. Besides the irritating philosopher and chipku guide, I lost the best sex I had had till that day. I lost the mother-in-law I saw in your mom and the family I saw in your friends. I lost the first fragment of my innocence and the faith in that 15 year old self whose heart leapt at the sight of you. My actions made me lose faith in the person I thought I was and was going to be and which makes me doubt myself even today. You lost your future wife, your vision for our future. The plans you emphatically spoke about, while I nervously listened. (How cute were we, at twenty three!). You lost your chance at love with another woman, who you kept at bay for your loyalty towards me. You even lost money on the greeting cards you bought for our just-short-of 6th anniversary, half to change my mind. Pfft. And while you lost so much, you were not alone, I sorta lost myself too.

Our break up was the happiest moment of my life. There was no need to keep steering my path just to meet the direction in which you were headed. There was no more a trap of your personality traits I thought I desired, but I didn't. For the first time in my life, I was making my own decisions, and burning my hands and feet have only made them more willing to experiment. If you believe that one can love two people at the same time, there was another man who I thought loved me back, and a fair shot. Andven that not working out has been a happy consequence, in retrospect. There have been better men better-suited men out there who fulfilled me, temporarily, but they've been lovely nonetheless. How would I have known how to pick my men if I didn't know you as intimately as I did? And to have you as my friend back is a safety net no amount of money can buy. You will always be the one true love that I will never ever sleep with again (heh). And that is oddly reassuring.

I hope the split worked out well for you as well. I will always look for you in other men (as you do me), without ever really looking for you. You were as much a man at 18 as you are at 28. And that's the reason why, after 5 years of one failed attempt at relationship after the other, I still have faith in your gender.

Calling our memories "baggage" would be a grave insult. Calling them a blessing, on the other hand, would be more appropriate. So, thank you. Here's a "Happy 5th Break Up Anniversary!" to you. Now wish me back on the 17th so we can laugh about all of it. And I know you'll call, even if you don't see this, because you always do :)