Is it not enough?

Is it not enough

To sing to my four walls

The walls have ears too

They hear just because

Is it not enough

A gift was received and nurtured

We’re mother and child forever

So how did it become a burden?

Is it not enough

That I am always happy in its midst

Any heartbreak I can survive

As long as within me it exists

Is it not enough

Or do I too need to wear a dress

Slap on some makeup and rock the mic

Like a dervish possessed?

Is it not enough

That I sing just to hear you say

You are the most beautiful girl in the world

...it always, always makes my day

Danke, dis bald!

I don’t know why it affects me so

my head can’t think straight for the first 24

I know it isn’t love, 

I also know it isn’t platonic, so

Is this just a feverish high of the clandestined?

A secret too inconvenient to reveal

With consequences too exhausting, if I rewind.

I’m not afraid of the future

I gain smile lines with every passing day

It is, verily, of the past sneaking up on me…

Isn’t it all too alluring, the reminder of juvenility?

The moments of weaknesses, a sign of recklessness

A reassurance that youth wasn’t too far behind,

that it can still stay in me, as long as I stay unwise!

Some slip ups I can afford

But not this, not now, not like this

Lest I prove myself right every once in a while

Watch this sceptical angel dining with her own little devil

Who, for dessert, serves a delicious fortune cookie of peril.

Oh, Sweet Mistakes!

You’re going to cost me dearly.

When have I been one to protect myself

From the thrill of a complication?

When have I been one to resist a juicy sin

For I’ve been far too good, 

At least for the sake of percentage calculation.

All I pray for tonight is a good night’s sleep

I’m just biding my hours till the 24th sinks deep

I’ll close my eyes and blind my mind to an uncommitted crime

Perhaps

Until next time.

Resistance

When the sights are too little to take in

heart proudly resilient on purpose for whatever reason

such plateau should arrive so soon?

that I can’t remember what it was like

to be completely and utterly overwhelmed

to be completely and utterly out of my own control

to be floating without insulation on waves of tiny electric shocks

created by the neatly packaged bombs of your magical words

No life jacket could have protected me

when the sights were too much to take in

and smiles too many to hold back…

I close my eyes and squeeze underneath

oh my mind, my mind, please take me there!

Back to the wonderland, in a time machine for two

so I can smell your freshly deodorised skin, that still haunts me

so I can whisper in your ear my utmost vulnerability

so I could convince you to let me be your relentless fantasy

and maybe even feel the sweet pain of rejection

if only once more