If you're human, you'd know that we all go through great lengths to protect our chocolate. Bought chocolate, shared chocolate, gifted chocolate, a hamper of chocolates, chocolate spread...it needs to be guarded with our lives. If you're eating a fruit, no one will ask you for a bite, but if you're having a chocolate, people shamelessly make puppy faces, hungry faces, you're-so-mean-you-won't-share-your-chocolate faces and I'm-so-low-on-blood-sugar faces. If you do share willingly, people love you instantly and if you don't...well, there will be consequences.
A thousand general questions make chocolate protection/attainment a highly exhausting activity:
You get the drift.
Back in 1997, we stayed at our relatives for a month in Indonesia. Suddenly a whole new world of products opened up for us - Flavored chips (chicken, fish, etc), exotic fried snacks, Sprite (!) and so many various brands and flavors of chocolate. (For the record, I gained 5kgs in that one month)
My masi ensured her fridge was stocked with chocolates at all time. And my brother, even at 5, made my chocolate consumption a living hell. He'd eat all of the ones I wanted to have. So I devised a plan. I had only recently studied about a certain Pyroligneous Acid in my 8th grade Science class. Since it sounded fancy enough and something he wouldn't be able to figure out at all, I told him that chocolates have Pyroligneous Acid and if you eat more than 1 a day, your stomach would burn and you'd die. It worked. I was ecstatic to get the ones I wanted and he was just happy to survive another day.
Don't worry, I did reveal the truth a couple of years later.
Then there are people who claim to not like chocolates. I have only one thing to say to y'all - I LOVE YOU!
A thousand general questions make chocolate protection/attainment a highly exhausting activity:
- How many people saw me with the chocolate?
- If I share with those few people, will others see it too and demand some?
- Is it alright to not share with the people who spotted me but I don't like?
- Do I give the chocolate in public or should I call them, in whispers, to the conference room? Or do I drop an email?
- Can I pretend that I bought a much smaller chocolate than I have so I'd have to share lesser?
- Should I buy a Dairy Milk to my Lindt so they'd think that I'm being magnanimous, giving away my precious chocolate (but they don't actually know it was a failsafe/contingent chocolate)?
- If a person gifted me a chocolate, do I need to share it with them? And how much?
- In how many ways can I hide the chocolate from my chocolate-monster of a brother? (And how does he manage to stay so skinny?)
- What will I say in my defense when he says "You should be watching your weight. Come on, hand over that chocolate. This is for your own good. I'm saying this only because I care about you so much"?
- Can I devise a way to protect my chocolates so he doesn't eat mine after he's done with his?/How can I emotionally blackmail him into not eating my share of the chocolate? (It's my birthday, can you please not take what's mine on this one day in a year? *crocodile tears*)
- WHERE EXACTLY HAS MY MOM HID THE DIWALI CHOCOLATE GIFT HAMPER?!?! (I already checked the freezer, the freezer of fridge 2, the snack drawer in the kitchen, her closet, her purse and her locker!)
You get the drift.
Back in 1997, we stayed at our relatives for a month in Indonesia. Suddenly a whole new world of products opened up for us - Flavored chips (chicken, fish, etc), exotic fried snacks, Sprite (!) and so many various brands and flavors of chocolate. (For the record, I gained 5kgs in that one month)
My masi ensured her fridge was stocked with chocolates at all time. And my brother, even at 5, made my chocolate consumption a living hell. He'd eat all of the ones I wanted to have. So I devised a plan. I had only recently studied about a certain Pyroligneous Acid in my 8th grade Science class. Since it sounded fancy enough and something he wouldn't be able to figure out at all, I told him that chocolates have Pyroligneous Acid and if you eat more than 1 a day, your stomach would burn and you'd die. It worked. I was ecstatic to get the ones I wanted and he was just happy to survive another day.
Don't worry, I did reveal the truth a couple of years later.
Then there are people who claim to not like chocolates. I have only one thing to say to y'all - I LOVE YOU!
8 comments:
I love ur last line :)
hahaha! I thought only I had these issues! Battles have been fought for chocolate in my household. I had to think of little nooks and crannies in the fridge to 'hide' my share so that my brother would be fooled into thinking that I had finished mine as well. Now that I am the only child who lives at home, I automatically get the rights to ALL the chocolates in the house, including the Diwali haul :D Also, once my dad brought these huge bars from some other country AND gave one bar away to someone else's child. My brother and I sulked for a week :|
i love em too... till a few years back i'd do anything(well almost) for some nice chocolate
You will love me, I am not much into chocolates
Oh if only we loved purely on the basis of chocolate consumption...
i can give you my chocolates ..they are still in the fridge since ma birthday :D
I'm also one of the members of the chocolate protection program club. there's this saying, "9 out of 10 people says they love chocolates, and one of those 10 is lying."
Hahhaha chocolate protection program! XD
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