Delhi

A person with the tag of a 'Delhiite' carries with himself plenty baggage. Our first impression is formed almost as soon as we say 'I'm from Delhi'; the degree of frown on the other person's face depending on what part of the country we're in (Unless of course if you're in Delhi because then you're probably interacting with the neighboring small townies) What's funnier is that we're judged even in the NCR, forget the Madras, the Chinkyland and the Marathi Manusia. Those DPS' and Modern's, I tell you.

So when people do start thinking of you as more than just an arrogant, swear-words-shooting Delhiite, with a penchant for competitive flashiness, i.e. when they get to know you better, the first thing they ask is "My god, how do you live in Delhi?" (the question targeted more towards the women than the men) as if it's Mars, where water will never be found (see how I insert interesting scientific trivia to educate you lovely readers?)

Do I personally stereotype the women of Delhi? Hell yeah, I do. I have placed Delhi women in the following categories - Swanky & Arrogant, Loves Delhi to Death (South Delhi), New Money, Honey Singh Loving Wannabes (West Delhi), She Takes The Metro To Work!, "Is it really in Delhi?" Practically Noida-ite (East Delhi ME ME!) and Too Unimportant To Analyze aka Who The Hell Knows? (North Delhi)

But I have to say, I have immense respect for all kinds of women in Delhi. I often tell girlfriends from other cities that once you've lived in Delhi NCR, you can survive almost everywhere. I live in Delhi, schooled in Noida and colleged in Faridabad amongst hardcore Jaats so I've seen and heard plenty in my 27 short years to ensure 'thick skin' could be written under the Skills section on my resume. Consequently, Bombay girls can't possibly live anywhere but in Bombay and that's the reason why they love it so much and never want to leave. (I love Bombay for the same reason...more than I like Delhi, so shoot me)

So...respect...yes. It's sort of a daily struggle here really. When my guy friends visit from other cities, they are appalled and abhorred and infuriated by the way men* gawk/lech at women here, while I brush it off laughingly. It must be news to you but we've lived with this all our lives. Woe is you if you're a pretty girl, choose to wear skirts a lot or, what the hell am I saying!, if you're a girl at all. So over the years you kinda learn to tune out. When you're walking on the main road or waiting for a train at the Metro station, you look right ahead or down and bless you dear child that you have music blasting in your ears. When you overhear a guy saying to another Uski chhaati dekhi? #truestory Translation: Did you check out her mindblowingly juicy and inviting tits? Let's rape her with our eyes! as a girl passed those two, you realize the iPod/walkman is probably one of the best inventions ever relevant to a Delhi girl.

I'm not trying to make this a laughing matter, because it is not. I've personally been harassed since I was 9. NINE. A rickshaw-wallah thought I was, at that age, sexy enough to be leered and commented at. The fact that I remember my first time (of harassment!) so clearly makes it, I don't know, significant? When, at 17, I had my first encounter with inappropriate touching, I knew this was going to be a bumpy ride, something that we infact take in our stride. 

Now you'll say Why didn't you raise an alarm? That's not the you we know! Tell you what, when you're in a crowded bus surrounded by men who are trying to press their crotches against every inch of you and you reprimand a man, they laugh at you and tell other men in jest that all women think the men have nothing better to do than what the woman is implying. Those men vehemently agree, only to make you feel even worse. That you brought up the issue, because apparently it's all in your head, is a far greater crime. Try being a Jhansi ki Rani then. Every woman in Delhi must have very similar stories that she has probably never shared with anyone.

But obviously, you can't keep mum all your life. It is so very important that in a place like Delhi you come across as intimidating. That is when men, if only out of discomfort, refrain from all their antics. Last year I was traveling by the Metro and this one guy standing right next to me started staring at me. Generally I would've let it go but that day I was in a filthy mood. So I turned my head towards him and looked him straight in the eye. No words, no anger. Very casual but very I've had enough for one day! After 2 seconds of our eyes meeting he turned his head the other way. But I continued to stare at him for half a minute till it was visible he was getting uncomfortable. It was quite funny actually, my mood did quite a 180. He soon moved away a few steps from me. I found myself trembling, perhaps out of nervous excitement on discovering something so empowering.

Back during my engineering in Faridabad I was only one of two Delhi girls amongst 4 girls in my class of 40. Let's just say I was a better prototype of a Delhi girl than the other. Worse was that I did well in my acads. Some classmates claimed (behind my back) that it was my natural "charm" that made all teachers grant me higher marks than the rest of them, of course discounting my 90% class attendance and extensive class notes. And my rather honest demeanor led them to think they could say anything inappropriate to my face because I ask for it. You talk about porn? You must be a slut. I think I'm digressing into gender discrimination here but rather than saying Why would they judge you? it's more probable that you'll ask me Why would you talk about porn in front of people? But I do believe this is more likely to happen in Delhi than anywhere else in the country.

So you know what I had to do? I had to fight fire with fire. I had to swear like they did. I had to act like a man, so maybe they'll not see me so much as a sexual object. I had to scare my juniors during uhm...their introduction into first year. And put this charade up for 4 whole years. So much so I wasn't sure if it was a facade or I had really become that. Thankfully, I had some supremely awesome male friends who were very protective of me and shooed away unnecessary elements. They made those long years mostly bearable. 

You know, it's only when you move out of Delhi do you realize you were neither "asking for it" nor is it "normal" to be treated like a piece of meat. When I started living in Pune back in '07, I realized that for the first time in my life I was walking with my head up (by up I mean straight), not down looking at the road. My neck almost ached. My head kept turning downwards because of pure habit. I had to mentally scream at myself Look up! LOOK UP! There were no men staring at my breasts, even when I wanted them to! There was no bunch of women huddling up, staring at you, scanning you from head to toe and then whispering to one another. That feeling of liberation is inexplicable. It's joyous, it's a mini victory! You feel like you can do anything in the world. Succeed at the workplace. Travel extensively without fear. And that someday a nice boy would love you for your mind and not just your body. 

Basically, the key to surviving Delhi is to trust your instincts. There are times when a woman should speak up and times when she should let it go to avoid further trouble. The number of men subjecting you to harassment at that given instant, your current location in the city, how crowded or not crowded the place is, if there is someone who's accompanying you or not, time of the day amongst many other parameters should be weighed before you take a call. If you're a young woman driving a car alone at 2AM in Gurgaon and you can see that there is no police around, talking back to men who are racing you to some sort of finish line may be a bad idea. Confidence is one thing, pure stupidity is another. 

It's easy to dislike Delhi but if you're gonna be living here you better open your mind to the various things that would make you love the city too. For the record, the situation is much better than it was only a few of years ago. And I'm not even asking for a throbbing nightlife. I just wish that if I'm returning from a friend's wedding alone late night in a cab I don't have to be on the phone with a friend throughout the course of my journey or constantly look over my shoulder when I'm walking the 100 meters from the Metro station to my house. Simple joys is what we want. We'll take what we can get, one ounce at a time, in the hope that Delhi would one day be the city it deserves to be. 

*not all, only the perverts