The Thing About Dating or The Nothing-At-All aka Sex

This post has taken me two months on top of the two months that I wasn't sure if this post was even worth writing. The first two months were the first two months of me dating someone new and you never really know where it will go, so why run the risk of itching to delete a post? You understand my hesitation.

As a person who has in the past been in just one long term relationship (6 years to be precise), this (former) 5-year single person has learnt a lot and is still very confused about the dating thing. See, I approach relationships in a very high school way. You like the way a certain person looks, smiles, talks and bam! you want to be in a relationship with them. Most likely, you'll like them enough when you get to know them better. Conversely, if someone were to "propose" to me, I wouldn't really hang if I know chances are it's not gonna go anywhere. And once you're hooked, lined and sinkered, in either scenario, you do everything in your power to keep it together.

But when I was freshly back in the market, I realized the world around me had changed. One night stands were unapologetically all-pervasive. People were dating for a few weeks and parting ways. People were sleeping with one another and not developing any feelings for each other. Suddenly having regular sex with someone did not mean that you were dating, much less in a relationship. (And, oh, apparently Dating and Relationship are two very different things). Tell me this - you have sex with someone you're attracted to, right? So how is it that you wouldn't eventually want something more?

I did come to a conclusion - for better, for worse or for neutrality. Most of these "encounters" are a result of drunken stupors. Of desperation. Or convenience. Most of the times, a permutation-combination of the three. Initially you're a little embarrassed, with repeated incidents you become more accepting of your behavior and in the end, it's just another story to fuel yet another Saturday night gossip session with your friends. "Ha ha ha, he is adorable but he really had no clue what he was doing!", I said last June.

The way I seamlessly shifted attitudes from one para to the next, the same happened in real life as well. One day I wanted a relationship, the next it was only recreation. An excuse for distraction maybe. Sexual fulfilment surely. Way to raise self-esteem given weight gain? So many reasons to not fall in love.

You want to believe love is good and it exists but it's just not "cool enough". What will people say? They'll call you lame and just-like-everyone-else. Sleeping with older women, married men, famous people is really the way to go. Make a checklist of the people you need to sleep with. Count the number of people you've slept with. What are you if not infamous for being a Twitter playboy? What's your identity if not a respectable slut? There is so much peer pressure to be promiscuous, god forbid you should ask anyone if they wanted more than a Sex On The Beach with a side of sex. Let's keep this easy, hassle-free, baggage-less, shall we?

I'd judge such people but end up finding myself to be a mini prototype of the same. I realized I needed to stop being a hypocrite and ask myself what I really wanted. I can't be on the fence for all of eternity - want a relationship but fill my days with meaningless, orgasmless coitus. I'd been numb and furthermore, immune for way too long. "You get the love you think you deserve", they say. Could they be right?

There. I put my pride on the line and made it very clear to a certain person that a casual relationship is not what I wanted. And I was glad what I got in return was a respectful, direct rejection. I understood his stand, but moreover, I understood mine. Girlfriends told me to wait. My patience was running out, but what choice did I have?

I can't say that what I have now is not a result of alcohol, desperation, loneliness and convenience. But when I decided to make up my mind once and for all, I knew I had already crossed that bridge. This time I was the one being asked if I wanted something more. "Isn't that something girls generally ask?", I said, proving I wasn't quite the feminist I thought I was. And for the first two months I wasn't sure if it was a joke or not. I had to let the walls be where they were till I knew I wasn't being played.

I guess it's still too soon to say whether this will last or not. Quite frankly, I don't even find myself pondering over it. It's easy, hassle-free, baggage-less and meaningful. Waking up to find a beautiful person softly snoring besides you is the real joy I missed in my single years. Take all my casual sexual encounters, add it up and it still won't amount to the happiness I feel with this man on any given day.

Whatever happens, I'd like to be spared this dating game. Take your nothingness and shove it.