I’ll get straight to the point. Being blocked and blocking others
from your social networking is not easy. Being blocked is pure
humiliation. Blocking someone means you need to take great care that the
process is rather inconspicuous.
There are various reasons why blocking is the biggest thing since the Metallica concert got canceled in Gurgaon:
a)
I added you on chat/facebook purely out of courtesy and seeing you
online makes me reach for the Invisible mode because I fear you might
just ping me one of these days. As a result, the person I am crushing on
can’t see me online either and won’t ping me. (I can’t ping him, that’s
too desperate!)
b) You irritate the fuck out of me. You
make the worst small talk and tell me how you’ve always had a huge crush
on me/want me to forward your Resume to my company/updating me on your
life when I clearly don’t care. Five minutes into the conversation I
wish to tell you “Great! I get it! Please stop! I really need to get
back to work. GOOD-FUCKING-BYE. You make me hate social networking!”
c)
Your status updates are an eyesore. You check-in from every place
imaginable. You boast about having met celebrities. You even have
pictures to support the claim. You’re not trying to talk to me, you’re
trying to get *me* to talk to *you*. Frankly my dear, I neither give a
damn about what you ate for breakfast nor am I interested in questioning
you about what went wrong when you post vague status updates like “If
only…”. You might be a nice person who only requires some external
validation but it ain’t comin’ from me, dawg. You hath been blocketh!
d)
You are downright creepy. You like all my statuses, links, pictures I
added, pictures I was tagged in. And the only time I spoke to you in my
life was when you & I were in engineering college and I asked you
why the library was shut that day. You redefine “disconcerting”
e) You are my parent and I couldn’t say No to your friend request ‘cause you kept pestering me to add you.
f)
We had a massive fallout. We broke up/fought over something and now you
want to prove a point. “You are not important enough anymore. Just
seeing you online cramps my style. I’m afraid you’ll read into my status
updates and think it’s about you. It’s not.”
g) We had a
massive fallout and I can’t stand the fact that your status updates
indicate no signs of major mindfucking upheavals, it only looks like
you’ve resumed your daily routine without as much as an “FML” or lyrics
from a heartbreakingly sentimental song which should obviously be
directed towards me, and here I am posting article links to “Ways to get
over an earth-shattering breakup”
You remember the time
it took you three whole months to delete that guy from your facebook?
You blocked on Gtalk that girl, who lead you on for months, and
unblocked her back the same day, about 5 times a day? Your obsession got
to a point where even *you* knew it was unhealthy. Your mouse pointer
got tired of hovering over “Remove from friends” and told you one day to
Just Do It! And with a click, your entire world came crashing down.
You (after having walked over to your friend’s room with tears rolling down your face): I deleted him from my facebook.
Friend: Who? Oh.
You:
I don’t know what to live for anymore. I can’t see his wall! His
smiling face in his pictures! His funny status messages! His current
favorite song!
Friend: You’re a psycho.
You: *howling*
Friend: There there. The worst is over.
Limited
profiles are the worsht only! Don’t add me if you’re afraid I’ll see
something you don’t want me to see! I’M NOT YOUR FUCKING MOM. Why would
you hide your friends list? You think I’d go to your “’In a relationship
with "girlfriend name"’ and message her “Your bf drunk-texted me the
lyrics to Sexy Bitch last night. Maybe you need to keep him on a tight
leash”?
360 degree blockage (Gtalk/facebook/BBM/limited
blog access/locked Twitter account etc) from somebody’s social
networking is a real life equivalent of a restraining order.
Congratulations! You have displayed enough psychotic behavior for being
slapped on one. You can now go and boast it to your friends - You are
officially a badass.
