I’ll get straight to the point. Being blocked and blocking others
from your social networking is not easy. Being blocked is pure
humiliation. Blocking someone means you need to take great care that the
process is rather inconspicuous.
There are various reasons why blocking is the biggest thing since the Metallica concert got canceled in Gurgaon:
a) I added you on chat/facebook purely out of courtesy and seeing you online makes me reach for the Invisible mode because I fear you might just ping me one of these days. As a result, the person I am crushing on can’t see me online either and won’t ping me. (I can’t ping him, that’s too desperate!)
b) You irritate the fuck out of me. You make the worst small talk and tell me how you’ve always had a huge crush on me/want me to forward your Resume to my company/updating me on your life when I clearly don’t care. Five minutes into the conversation I wish to tell you “Great! I get it! Please stop! I really need to get back to work. GOOD-FUCKING-BYE. You make me hate social networking!”
c) Your status updates are an eyesore. You check-in from every place imaginable. You boast about having met celebrities. You even have pictures to support the claim. You’re not trying to talk to me, you’re trying to get *me* to talk to *you*. Frankly my dear, I neither give a damn about what you ate for breakfast nor am I interested in questioning you about what went wrong when you post vague status updates like “If only…”. You might be a nice person who only requires some external validation but it ain’t comin’ from me, dawg. You hath been blocketh!
d) You are downright creepy. You like all my statuses, links, pictures I added, pictures I was tagged in. And the only time I spoke to you in my life was when you & I were in engineering college and I asked you why the library was shut that day. You redefine “disconcerting”
e) You are my parent and I couldn’t say No to your friend request ‘cause you kept pestering me to add you.
f) We had a massive fallout. We broke up/fought over something and now you want to prove a point. “You are not important enough anymore. Just seeing you online cramps my style. I’m afraid you’ll read into my status updates and think it’s about you. It’s not.”
g) We had a massive fallout and I can’t stand the fact that your status updates indicate no signs of major mindfucking upheavals, it only looks like you’ve resumed your daily routine without as much as an “FML” or lyrics from a heartbreakingly sentimental song which should obviously be directed towards me, and here I am posting article links to “Ways to get over an earth-shattering breakup”
You remember the time it took you three whole months to delete that guy from your facebook? You blocked on Gtalk that girl, who lead you on for months, and unblocked her back the same day, about 5 times a day? Your obsession got to a point where even *you* knew it was unhealthy. Your mouse pointer got tired of hovering over “Remove from friends” and told you one day to Just Do It! And with a click, your entire world came crashing down.
You (after having walked over to your friend’s room with tears rolling down your face): I deleted him from my facebook.
Friend: Who? Oh.
You: I don’t know what to live for anymore. I can’t see his wall! His smiling face in his pictures! His funny status messages! His current favorite song!
Friend: You’re a psycho.
You: *howling*
Friend: There there. The worst is over.
Limited profiles are the worsht only! Don’t add me if you’re afraid I’ll see something you don’t want me to see! I’M NOT YOUR FUCKING MOM. Why would you hide your friends list? You think I’d go to your “’In a relationship with "girlfriend name"’ and message her “Your bf drunk-texted me the lyrics to Sexy Bitch last night. Maybe you need to keep him on a tight leash”?
360 degree blockage (Gtalk/facebook/BBM/limited blog access/locked Twitter account etc) from somebody’s social networking is a real life equivalent of a restraining order. Congratulations! You have displayed enough psychotic behavior for being slapped on one. You can now go and boast it to your friends - You are officially a badass.
There are various reasons why blocking is the biggest thing since the Metallica concert got canceled in Gurgaon:
a) I added you on chat/facebook purely out of courtesy and seeing you online makes me reach for the Invisible mode because I fear you might just ping me one of these days. As a result, the person I am crushing on can’t see me online either and won’t ping me. (I can’t ping him, that’s too desperate!)
b) You irritate the fuck out of me. You make the worst small talk and tell me how you’ve always had a huge crush on me/want me to forward your Resume to my company/updating me on your life when I clearly don’t care. Five minutes into the conversation I wish to tell you “Great! I get it! Please stop! I really need to get back to work. GOOD-FUCKING-BYE. You make me hate social networking!”
c) Your status updates are an eyesore. You check-in from every place imaginable. You boast about having met celebrities. You even have pictures to support the claim. You’re not trying to talk to me, you’re trying to get *me* to talk to *you*. Frankly my dear, I neither give a damn about what you ate for breakfast nor am I interested in questioning you about what went wrong when you post vague status updates like “If only…”. You might be a nice person who only requires some external validation but it ain’t comin’ from me, dawg. You hath been blocketh!
d) You are downright creepy. You like all my statuses, links, pictures I added, pictures I was tagged in. And the only time I spoke to you in my life was when you & I were in engineering college and I asked you why the library was shut that day. You redefine “disconcerting”
e) You are my parent and I couldn’t say No to your friend request ‘cause you kept pestering me to add you.
f) We had a massive fallout. We broke up/fought over something and now you want to prove a point. “You are not important enough anymore. Just seeing you online cramps my style. I’m afraid you’ll read into my status updates and think it’s about you. It’s not.”
g) We had a massive fallout and I can’t stand the fact that your status updates indicate no signs of major mindfucking upheavals, it only looks like you’ve resumed your daily routine without as much as an “FML” or lyrics from a heartbreakingly sentimental song which should obviously be directed towards me, and here I am posting article links to “Ways to get over an earth-shattering breakup”
You remember the time it took you three whole months to delete that guy from your facebook? You blocked on Gtalk that girl, who lead you on for months, and unblocked her back the same day, about 5 times a day? Your obsession got to a point where even *you* knew it was unhealthy. Your mouse pointer got tired of hovering over “Remove from friends” and told you one day to Just Do It! And with a click, your entire world came crashing down.
You (after having walked over to your friend’s room with tears rolling down your face): I deleted him from my facebook.
Friend: Who? Oh.
You: I don’t know what to live for anymore. I can’t see his wall! His smiling face in his pictures! His funny status messages! His current favorite song!
Friend: You’re a psycho.
You: *howling*
Friend: There there. The worst is over.
Limited profiles are the worsht only! Don’t add me if you’re afraid I’ll see something you don’t want me to see! I’M NOT YOUR FUCKING MOM. Why would you hide your friends list? You think I’d go to your “’In a relationship with "girlfriend name"’ and message her “Your bf drunk-texted me the lyrics to Sexy Bitch last night. Maybe you need to keep him on a tight leash”?
360 degree blockage (Gtalk/facebook/BBM/limited blog access/locked Twitter account etc) from somebody’s social networking is a real life equivalent of a restraining order. Congratulations! You have displayed enough psychotic behavior for being slapped on one. You can now go and boast it to your friends - You are officially a badass.
10 comments:
To think she used to be such a nice girl.
Srsly though, people need to stop talking about their real lives on social media & their social media in real life.
@Pupu - But..but..I'm talking about social media on social media!
b) and d) - So very true.
a guy - married with kids - doesn't take up responsibility and separates from wife(after like 10 yrs) and then starts flirting with every thing that looks female -> give him the 360*
I also know a (d) but well creepy is as creepy does
Recently I came to know that SmallTalk was the name of the first object oriented programming language developed by Xerox which enabled networking and graphical interface amongst other features of which Apple made a heist and Microsoft copied shamelessly.
@Woman In Love - Haha! Glad you agree :)
@Facade - Men *shakes head* :P
@Nikhil - Aiyo! I hope you're not suggesting I was nerd enough to keep my blog url after a programming language. My IT days are far behind me. I know "Small talk" from, you know, the English language. But hey, I learnt something new today =)
lmao superb...loved it :D
Atrisa - I will jus say am a fan for ur writing. Author a book and I will be the first one to grab a copy ;) Sayonara
Ani! Thanks man!
@Anon - Thank you so much! No ambitions of being a writer dude/dudette. I tried writing one when I was 17 and when I read those 10 odd pages back I realized I hadn't quite read anything more shitty. So, yeah :)
I experienced the same thing, you know.. he even deleted his blog because he learned I was reading it because I greeted him happy birthday there. what happened to "let's still be friends"?
Post a Comment
Now your turn!