P-p-p-poker face p-p-poker facebook

It's a fine lazy day. All you want to do is sit with your laptop and sink lower and lower in your bed. Maybe catch a few embarrassing episodes of Curb Your Enthusiasm. You decide to check facebook before proceeding to laptop-tv viewing. You open your facebook page and see a notification. Ah! The pretty red thing. You are happy. Somebody thought of you. A world full of possibilities has just opened up! A friend might have tagged you in a picture where you look very hot. 10 people "like" your status, that you came up with after much deliberation. That cute new boy accepted your friend request and now facebook is encouraging you to "Write on his Wall"

You promptly click on it! But there it is, in your face!

WHAT THE HELL DO YOU DO WITH A "POKE"?

Listen, I have nothing against you, I just don't know what I'm expected to do. If you were a guy atleast my narcissistic self would think you want to make fraaaaanship with me and then some. Why do you want to Poke me? Do you even realize you have just destroyed my hopes and dreams of making babies with that cute boy? DO YOU!

You remember the time when we were new on facebook and wanted to do everything it offered? Write on walls, take all possible quizzes, update status twice a day, and Poke? Yeaaahhhh, I NEVER poked. At no point of time did I understand what it was for.

I hate touchy feely people. I can't stand it when people standing next to me put their elbow on my shoulder as if I'm some brick wall they're supporting their body against or when they randomly wrap their arm around mine. It feels exactly what it looks like - that tiny finger coming to get you! It's as much a physical intrusion as a real touch is. There needs to be a process wherein before you Poke it should send a notification for approval "This user wants to Poke you. Do you accept?" The thing is still sitting lying there as a constant source of irritation everytime I open my facebook, mocking me, Poking me.

Please excuse me, for Poking you back would go against the basic grain of my personality. It's like an elbow nudge when you're teasing someone when their crush is around or pinching them on their birthday. That is so middle school and I didn't even do it in middle school! I really like you but I won't Poke you back. It's kinda lame. Maybe I was too friendly with you the only time that we've met. It's just that I'm super awesome with strangers and I was also really...really drunk. So forgive me, I understand I might've infact come across as a fellow Poker/Pokemon.

Wasn't there a Pillow Throwing app on fb? See, now that's more like my style! :D