This post is too boring to be given a creative title

Ever since school I've had this strange fascination with World War II. I've read a considerable amount on it, atleast considerable in my context...some I remember, some I forget, but the essence of it remains the same. I am, till date, trying to find the answer to the question - How was it possible that a human being had such grave inconsideration for another human's life? To think that the value of one human's life is more than the other. The killing of 6 million Jews (the most popular death count) at the hands of Germans, calculated cold-blooded murder, mass murders orchestrated by highly educated men, PhDs playing Gods, innocent people treated like unsold & rotting commodities lying in a warehouse demanding careless disposal.

For years I've wanted to visit Auschwitz in Poland, home to the largest and the most gruesome concentration camps of all, and people always ask me if I feel ok. Why would I want to visit a place with such a terrifying history? I've often wondered about it myself. I came to one conclusion - we are fascinated by destruction. From the Colosseum to Monalisa's crooked smile, we're obsessed with the imperfect, the ruins, the morally or the financially bankrupt. There's a war and bam! there's a museum. A massive ship drowns in its first voyage and we give a tribute to it by making the most successful motion picture ever. Financial institutions crash and umm...ok we all got affected by it. There is something very raw and magnetic about downfalls. Nothing pristine and pure makes us feel more alive than seeing quiet mayhem. The story is so much more richer when you can't see what once was, because something was too perfect to exist, it was an aberration to real life. The reason why I was glued to youtube videos when last year's earthquake + tsunami happened in Japan. Often I imagine deaths or destruction around me. Earthquakes, houses crumbling to the ground, flyovers falling, airplanes nosediving. I can't explain it.

Clean is out, out of the bed look is in. Nobody wants to learn more about a sweet beautiful girl, everyone's attracted to the damaged one with tons of baggage. We get attracted to stuff we don't understand. Make a simple park a labyrinth and suddenly it's got more visitors. We don't understand happiness or relaxation. We constantly chase more responsibilities and attract pain, killing ourselves molecule by molecule just to feel alive. (Isn't it ironic, doncha think?)

I don't understand Hitler. I don't wish to understand his interpretation of Nietzsche but I can't help being baffled either. I can't imagine anybody being so strong headed that they not only not understand or have anybody put some sense into them, they also brainwash others. Tons of movies and documentaries have still not answered my question. How did an entire nation get swayed by the beliefs of one man?

What if I'm wrong? Will I magically agree with his reasoning the moment I step into Auschwitz? What if I'm claiming a moral high ground for the heck of it? I want to go there to discover how I might behave when I'm at the centre of where the basic grain of humanity was exploited day after day after day for years. Will I cry? Why will I cry? Or will I feel nothing? Do I want to go there just to check if I've become cold? Is this sadism? No, I'm not a Jew sympathizer, neither am I an "Aryan" hater. It's not about the literal. It's mostly never about the literal.

Neither here, nor there

I just can't seem to write songs that don't sound lame :)

*******

Neither here, nor there

I've been waiting but I don't know what for

You disappear, in a blink

but you come back for a little comfort in my home

every now and then

you assure me this can't go on, it is over

and I hope that you will take a stand 

but you're neither here, nor there

so I'm neither here, nor there

This time ask me to stay forever or let me go

I can't base my own life as per your whims and your fancies

No love is lost, but we're lost in this spiral of confusion

you're taking us both down

you're taking us both down

You can be anything you want 

as long as it's not hurting me and my pride

And I lay my love on the line 

but it isn't fair for you to walk all over it

and every now and then

you assure me this can't go on, it is over

and I hope that you will take a stand 

but you're neither here, nor there

so I'm neither here, nor there

This time ask me to stay forever or let me go

I can't base my own life as per your whims and your fancies

No love is lost, but we're lost in this spiral of confusion

you're taking us both down

you're taking us both down

I can't remember anything before you

and I don't want to find myself in a life without you in it

but I have to be strong, you need to right the wrongs

you're right, we can't go on living this way

we're neither here, nor there

you'll take us both down

down down down

Blahness

I've not been blogging or facebooking a lot lately. I just can't relate to a lot of stuff that I've been seeing. And even if I can relate it to it just all makes my life seems trivial, like it has been reduced to a cliché, it's all too generic, too mainstream.

I mean, am I still whining about a broken heart and sharing Thought Catalog articles on Things I've Learned From Getting Dumped and saying "Oh my God, this is so true!!!" when others are getting married and setting up households? They must really laugh at me and thank their lucky stars that they're so way past all this childish stuff, thinking "Oh! We did the same. Now that we're married those things sound almost laughable" People are making babies...BABIES...or Baby whatever, and here I am still crying in front of my parents about a few bad weeks at work.Why am I stuck on 22 at 27? What are my age appropriate things? If Ira Dubey is worried about aging in her late 20s, should I buy an Olay Total Effects too?

And then I've joined so many brand pages on facebook, my entire newsfeed looks like brands are my only friends. If it's not that, then people are boasting about various stuff. And I wish I had atleast that. All I do online is check out all these shopping websites and drool over shoes and bags and realizing what a long way I've come from the time I was a 14 year old tomboy whose mom insisted her to wear makeup.

That's all I have to say. I'm really not enjoying this phase of my life. If I wasn't a generally extra-cheerful person, I'd be quite depressed. I wonder if the word Blahness has been introduced in the English dictionary.