Just another mousy Monday

Feeling a little frisky so thought I'd slip in a blog post between work. I'm badass like that.

Sick to my stomach (literally) cuz I've consistently been sleeping at 3-4 am every night, no clue why. I'd like to blame it on no parental censorship, not complaining though. Making mango shake and playing Monopoly cards at 2 am isn't exactly commonplace. Another chance to feel like a kid again, till all friends start falling prey to the M-thing like bowling pins.

Being in Delhi with parents for the last three years, I almost felt like I was going to be forever in that black hole. Ennui itself can age you an extra 5 years, I talk from experience. There are days I struggle to be my normal self because self-repression has became supremely mechanical! Initially, i.e. 3 years ago, I'd rebel and do things I wished to, but then all the discomfort at home tainted every fun thing I ever planned for myself. So eventually, to avoid confrontations (I HATE confrontations), I acquiesced to a particular situation, just to keep the peace and parents' blood pressure in check. I almost never get angry now, I simply walk away.

It's not easy being a girl. It's even harder being parents of a girl. In Delhi. In EAST Delhi. So I'm not sure if I should be blaming them for being absolutely distraught and in turn, fuck annoying (pardon the language)  every time I stepped out.

Anyway, not in that situation now. Though I shudder every time I imagine going back home. *bites nails*

Also, Mondays aren't really that bad, it's just one of those monsters you imagined under your bed when you were little. 

A nicer way to give the middle finger, I suppose.

So many times I think I'll write about certain things that bother me. But every single time there's always that thing where I imagine at least one person rolling their eyes and going "Oh my God, she needs to stop whining". Or the person I'm slyly writing about to say "It's a good thing I got rid of her when I did", so I never really end up expressing about it.

To write here is not about judging anybody, it's really about purging (like I've mentioned so many times before). I'm not trying to say that I'm right or not. But there's no harm in saying it like I like it, right? If I'm disturbed due to something YOU said or did, I should be able to talk about it without feeling like I'M being judged, in my own space.

I'm very accommodating of other people - their whims and fancies, their desires, their orders, their lifestyle, their expectations from me. And quite frankly, I've started to get extremely irritated by it. I'm never the one to spew poison but this is just getting too much. I don't see the point in raising my blood pressure over it any more. I go out of my way, time and again, to make people happy because I love them and all they do is disappoint me. When you care about them, they turn around and go "I never asked you to do that!". The least you can do is acknowledge somebody's effort, not deride them for it. So much so I've been craving to keep a pet, so maybe I'll get some love back, even if it's conditional.

This time, I'm NOT going to walk away quietly. I swear to God, I will break your balls and do everything in my power to make sure you don't mess with me again. Just get the fuck out of my life and take your two cents of disrespect with you, because "I never asked you to do that!". I wish someday someone comes around and hurts you the same way or worse (All hail Schadenfreude). Oh how I wish it were me, but I don't seem to have that kind of effect on you.

If you think this post is about you, it probably is. 

FUCK YOUR BLOG! Vs FUCK, YOUR BLOG!

Ayyo long time.

Dropped in to say hi, was wondering if the link had expired. Have no theme for you today, just gonna ramble along. I should be working right now but there's so much going on in my head I thought maybe a blog-vomit would help.

So yadi yada I've moved to Bombay. New job, new life, new home, a little fatter me (The cupcakes in this city are mindblowing)

How's it going? Tell me fun stuff. Tell me happy stuff. God knows I need it. Life is great though. Little bored today but can't complain. I miss my piano, miss her a lot. Every now and then my fingers keep searching for her, and then it makes me sad to not find her around. Cuz when she's there, and after spending a few minutes with her, I feel like I had a long chat with a girlfriend about everything that's bothering me. I cry in private, I cry freely, I cry with joy. Must make efforts to get her to this city. Pronto.

Throat was also out of commission for a little over a month, getting better now. Vocals are coming out all flat but still not completely out of key. Haven't practised in over 3 months so no surprises there. Fear has taken over. I don't know where my next note will land. Very disconcerting. Love is fading slowly. Why is love fading? There needs to be something...one thing that I love passionately still. What's the difference between the next person and me if that doesn't remain?

Phone also left me bereft. Gone for repair. Handicapped every which way, do you see?

But I'm fine. I always am. Things get better. They always do.

P.S: Tell me...what do you wish you never fall out of love with? Living or inanimate, anything. Talk to me.