The honest scrap award/ Blast from the past

Aniruddha had tagged me in this post of his and I'm taking this opportunity to be as vulnerable as I can, so thanks Ani_aset for that and the award :P * applause*

I do have to admit though, that starting a blog has been one of the adventurous things I've ever done in my life. Starting with the haikus, to third person poems, then first person poems to completely doing away with the metaphorical, I feel I have sort of been successful in saying what I exactly feel.

I don't have a whole list of things that people don't know about me, I've pretty much been an open book. A little bit of my blog browsing and you'll know who I am!

So I present to you a poem (?) I wrote at 17, right before my current ex became my then bf (get it?) Hehe. Kindly keep the age in mind as you read. Also, keep a bucket handy in case you feel like barfing, reading the word "love" in every sentence.

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There are no words that can describe this feeling
it can only be felt
deep down inside of me
the pain,
the suffering,
the joke that has been played on me.

How can I ever tell you how much I love you
when I know that you would turn away
and never look back at me
Those eyes, those beautiful devastating eyes
that could read every thought on my mind
Those eyes that I loved,
from the moment I set my eyes on you.

I lied when I said I don't love you
I know I lied 'cause I couldn't look into your eyes
The truth is that I never stopped loving you
the love that has destroyed me
the love I still love.

I thought that maybe time would heal me
crying would heal me
but love once happened can't fade away.
It's sad that it should introduce itself to me this way

Now your memories can only haunt me
'cause though I love you more than I can ever say
you never cherished me that way,
the reasons, I can't understand.

I can't understand why our friendship never blossomed into love
I have never wanted anything this badly
And that I have imagined
you touching every single part of me
right from my forehead to the ankles
making love in the way that makes me cry now
when I touch myself thinking those hands are yours.

Maybe it's my fault that my love was always a joke to you
I lied when I said it was mere infatuation
but even if I stood firm with my feelings
you still wouldn't have comprehended
But I don't blame you
you are your own master
and it's not your fault you never loved me.

How can I start my life afresh
when the only person I needed was you
How can I move on
when my past doesn't leave me
and wants to be my present and my future
How will I live
if I cut out the biggest part of my heart
the part occupied by you.

Maybe this is not our last goodbye
but it shatters me nevertheless.

I don't know when this feeling
that started as an infatuation
and became an obsession
ended up being so intense
that I never realized it was love
till I tried to forget you.

So if you can't keep me happy
atleast don't make me sad
my heart will stay with you
so keep it safe.
I live by the moments that we've shared.

I wish I could give you more
just a little more
I wish I could give you everything you ever wanted
but now I'm left with nothing at all.

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I need to tag a few people so I guess I will!

a) Choco
b) Mentalie
c) Meghana (whenever she gets the time!)
d) Shamanth
e) Shagun
f) Prashant
g) Poe

Happy revealing and relieving! :P

Miss Misdemeanor

They say men think about sex more than women. I'm pretty sure today I could've put any man to shame. This is what I was scribbling during a Project Engineering lecture in my company's Learning & Innovation notepad to stay alive, hoping for any sort of a future.

Click on the picture to get a better view.

I don't wanna know what my peak would be like when I'm 30. Perhaps my moral compass, who's needle is already doing some chiggy wiggy, will let in some moisture (!) to destroy it completely. Meh. I just regret not using this much brain for academic purposes.

Chamba Wumba

Home is where the hill is
excavated like burrows in the terraces
winding roads shyly snuck away in the greens
clergy of trees subservient to the slope
they swish in harmony, the ventriloquists that they are
talk and hush in the same sentence
like silent whispers that baffle me
they might have seen me coming.
Your climb is futile
there's much of me to conquer still,
they say.
But they don't know that I win either way
when the heart is where beauty is, at every blind turn.