Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

If I didn't know about Slutwalk already, I would've thought this article was written by The Onion/ Faking News or the likes.

Aparna Sharma, a Delhi University student, has picked out the skimpiest clothes from her closet especially for June 25. Bravo! Let's give the Delhi men a legitimate reason to stare at us, take high resolution pictures, splash them all over the internet and jerk off to them for all of eternity.

I'm generally not a person to have strong opinions, especially when it comes to these social issues. I have conveniently been avoiding all the corruption hullabaloo too. Not that that's a good thing. I'm just lazy. So don't expect me to side with or have strong dislikes for this Slutwalk, which I don't think should be called Slutwalk majorly 'cause, from what I know, Indians aren't great at sarcasm.

Personally I have little interest in wearing slutty clothes. I will be happy if I can wear shorts or knee-length skirts in this cruel Delhi summer without being stared at. And if you thought it's only the men that do the staring, you are...well...not living in Delhi.

It's not the women silly, the change needs to come from the men. The men need to stand up for us. Not because we're weak and need constant protection, but because they're equally affected by this. When my guy friends from other cities are in town, they are so infuriated by the way Delhi men stare that they almost want to beat them up. (All men have homicidal rage, says Don Delillo in White Noise) Haven't you seen, when a woman tries to react angrily to a man's impositions, the perverts generally enjoy it and repeat their actions? Now you want to parade around showing your lacy underwear? Do we not know Delhi is not safe irrespective of what clothes one wears? Isn't it true though that somewhere we might be triggering the pervert man's desire for flesh because of our barenaked attire? Didn't you drool when John Abraham showed a glimpse of his buttcrack in that Bounce Bounce song in Dostana wearing that oh-so-awesome and gorgeous tiny knickers? Do you drool as much when he's fully clothed?

Don't be stupid and tell me we deserve the right to wear what we want. You want to see hairy bare chested, pot-bellied men parading around the city? Wouldn't you rather want a better law and order system in place?

"Slutty clothes" are expensive, man. I see only the upper class being able to afford them anyway. These women don't walk around on footpaths or take the Metro. Are they seriously subjected to true harassment? "Slutwalk" in Canada happened because of public outrage towards an accusatory remark from a policeman. I'm sorry, but here it just seems like a case of seeking attention. Rebels without a cause, if I may say.

But you know, as long as someone is doing something, I say more power to you. I am terminally ambiguous. If you have a different point of view, maybe I can benefit from it. So tell me what you think.

And girls, if you can slutwalk like The Dolls in Buttons, don't even try. 

Clarification, Observations and Updates

Clarification
Oye hello...just because I'm writing frustrated blog posts does not mean I am depressed. When I write, it's an exaggerated reality. Cynical love blogposts are about milking (attempted) poetry from the hurt experienced eons ago. Work frustration blogs about pre-good appraisal times. So relax, there's no cause for concern :)

******************************************************************************

Observations

Uno
When you go out to a bar and don't know what to order, just get an LIT. Saves you the time to look at the menu, decisions regarding "What alcohol base would I prefer?" and definitely takes lesser time to get high. A little of everything, I say. An LIT. Lifesaving Insane Tonic.

And so that's what I did this Saturday night. After a coupla those, I got my freak on. So much so a stranger boy told me (twice) that I dance really well. Anyway this is not the first time my "high spirited" dancing was appreciated.*hair toss*

I do remember saying "I miss MICA" on repeat.

Dos
Boys, as a rule, girls are needy and clingy. There are various degrees of needy and clingy, but those are completely dependent on how much a girl is willing to show. The idea is not to run away from the needy and clingy, the idea is to work around it, like Iranian film directors. Do they stop making movies 'cause the government places such high censorship on their creative work of art? No. (I assume) They enjoy it, they revel in it. Their industry is one of the biggest in World Cinema. All because there was so much censorship they had to work around in creative ways to narrate!

So the moral of the story is, you can manage to handle a girl despite whatever BS she gives you. (That's if you are into her that much) If she ain't needy and clingy, she probably don't even want you so bad :P

Tres
Just two weeks back I got the shortest haircut of my life. It has been received surprisingly well with the general community. But when I met this one particular friend (he who shall not be named or referred to) after a long time, he had his own theory regarding it.

Let's call it the Haircut Theory.

According to him, when people go for radical haircuts it's because their lives are so boring, they want to do anything they can to shake things up. And when people go for a full headshave, they are trying to rediscover themselves. (Ok this is one of those "you had to be there" times. His animated hand movements and clear sarcasm is the icing and a bit of the cake too)

I have to admit, while I was getting a haircut, there were a few seconds I contemplated shaving my head off. Gulp. Needless to say, he received a few punches from me.

******************************************************************************

Updates a.k.a. *narcissism alert*

Uno
You know how you sometimes feel stifled with your limited knowledge of something you love? Like not knowing enough about the lives of your teenage children, or struggling to learn enough at the workplace because of a shitty mentor.

That's how I feel about music and my inability to play an instrument.

So about 10 days back I joined piano classes. I *cannot believe* it took me so many years to do that. 2 classes down and I'm turning out to be quite the maestro! My teacher says I'm already at a normal person's 10-12th session! I'll be skipping Grade 1, 2 and 3 exams! He says and I quote "This is to you like a fish to water" AND AND "You have the music in you" *blush*

Dos
I seriously thought I would be fired. SERIOUSLY. But that darned appraisal went so well, I'm pretty sure my lower jaw was comfortably sitting on the floor for a few minutes. I was so overwhelmed with their remarks, I even teared up twice!

It could be because they thought I was good, it could be because they both got promoted the day before.

Of course my genius friend had to make a wisecrack and say "So basically now you will hang on there longer, no? Heh." I'm predictable.

Tres
Have you listened to "You are a tourist" by Death Cab for Cutie? There has been no song in recent times that has spoken to me quite like this one.

"If you feel just like a tourist in the city you were born, it's time to go"

Cuatro
I am on the brink of finishing reading my second book, which is quite an achievement 'cause my laptop ensured my reading habits went for a toss. GayDAD, my friend (?), philosopher (!) and guide (?), has been dictating the terms and conditions of my reading habits. Thank you, loser.

Have you reached here, reader? Congratulations.

Do the do.

Monkey to humans...monkey to humans...can you hear me?

This monkey has completed one year in training at her workplace and now is a full time monkey! (or so she's hoping that 'Terminated' isn't checked against her name)

I shall now scratch my armpits and jump around. I travel back to childhood when we used to watch those monkey street shows at India Gate, trained to do the same thing day in and day out. Don't question! Do the do. Shut your mouth. Always smile. Nod incessantly. Laugh, whenever the "almighty" makes a horrendous joke.

I was me
     now I am a monkey
          sitting in a tree
               K.I.S.S.I.N.G. (ass)

Punch some numbers. Say shit to the person at the other end of the line. Express dissatisfaction. Write words of dissatisfaction. Press SEND. Be angry. Curse. Do whatever is required. Do the do.

Plan Friday afternoon lunches. They keep us alive and ennui free. Or so we hope.

I'm going to drown myself in Nirula's Hot Chocolate Fudge today, licking quickly with my tiny monkey tongue. Where is this month's Sodexho booklet?

I seem to be obsessed with animals these days. A few days back it was frogs, now this.

This life is your life. This life is my life.

I love my new piano. Hope it loves me too. Atleast till I play 'Ode to Joy'.

Aren't you going to congratulate me? :)