Ooh baby baby, it's a wild world

Rini here asked me to tell some stories from my childhood so I went digging into my past. Obviously a lot of stories are partially hearsay, you know like "Remember the time I was leaving for office and you peed on my formals?" Ehhhh...no, I don't. I didn't know peeing on clothes was a bad thing. At that age it was kinda involuntary, you know?

My dad keeps telling me how when I was born the nurses used to flock the nursery to gawk at me. I was the cutest little thing they had ever seen. My mom was going through some rough shit - her malaria and my low blood sugar, so she couldn't see me for about a day. And all the nurses used to gush and tell her "You have such a bonny baby!" which irritated her even more.

I don't know about bonny but given my short height, I'm certainly boni and given my plumpness, certainly not bony.

I was a cranky kid, not that I like to admit, but I wasn't the kind to mix up with everybody. I had my 2-3 specific people I would be chipkoed to all the time. But my mom was quite sick of carrying me around since I was a huge baby. True to my size, I was pretty loud and authoritative. (Which made me a nightmare during shopping)

One of the strangest stories I heard about myself was from the time I was five. (I went through a lot at five) My mom and I were at the Indian Central School in Baghdad to get me admitted to first grade and as my mom was talking to a teacher, I spotted a little girl being bullied by a bigger girl who was not letting her use the swing. Me being me, couldn't tolerate this injustice and walked up to the big girl and gave her an earful. The little girl got her wish as I walked away nonchalantly. Crusader Atrisa saved the day!

My mom took up a job with the same school and was teaching my class. Where everybody was wishing her "Good Morning, Ma'am", I was doing something "Ummmm good mmmming, mummy" Of course, my mom noticed, and boundaries were set. Bleh. Who calls their momzilla, "Ma'am"? Lame-O.

I was/am also quite the bukkhad. There's one famous story about how I hogged an entire dish filled with cashew nuts when my uncle first met my aunt. And we also had one party video documented where I could be seen with my entire 5 year old arm down a box of Pringles, which then emptied itself into my mouth.

Talking of my uncle and aunt, there is also their wedding video which shows me crawling under my aunt's wedding "throne" because my balloon took a little stroll inside. I've heard that story till my ears have bled.

So apparently I went great lengths to obtain food. My mom would take me out for golgappas and I would happily have more paani and then loudly make sounds like I'm dying of its spiciness till my mom would offer me a Pepsi. I was a clever kid!

A little dumb too. Once when I was like 8, I was singing in my room. Suddenly something hit me and I decide to share it with my family. I walked up to the dining table where everyone was having their dinner and I proudly announced "I think I sing like Anuradha Paudwal!" My entire family was in splits. Frankly, it was quite insulting. I thought Anuradha Paudwal was quite the shit, man!

I'll share two of my deepest darkest secrets with you. My name is pretty uncommon, rather difficult to remember, so I hated it and always wished I had another. My pick of names? Anita, Sheila, Mohini, Sohini. Also, when I used to play Miss Universe-Miss Universe with my cousins/friends, I used to be Suzanne from Germany. Yeeeaaahh. That's why kids don't name themselves. 

Also, I slept with my Barbies till 8th grade. I changed their clothes as per the time of day too. That was till my baby brother tore their heads off and chewed on their feet :S

This definitely needs a To Be Continued.